Thursday, October 13, 2011

As if you needed another reason.

Borrowed from Timothy McSweeney's blog:

Reasons to Fear Canada.
BY Sean Carman
- - - -

Ninety percent of population is massed within 100 miles of northern American border.

Seems not to mind that one of its provinces has turned almost entirely French.

Excessive politeness only makes sense as cover for something truly sinister. But what?

Citizens seem strangely impervious to cold.

Decriminalization of marijuana and acceptance of gay marriage without corresponding collapse of social institutions indicate Canada may, in fact, be indestructible.

Has infiltrated entertainment industry with singers, actors, and comedians practically indistinguishable from their American counterparts.

Consistently stays just below cultural radar yet never quite disappears.

Parliamentary government and common-law judiciary appear to function acceptably yet remain completely inscrutable.

Never had a “disco phase.”

Seemingly endless supply of timber, donuts, and Scotch-plaid hats with earflaps.

Keeps insisting it “has no designs on America” and “only wants peace.”

Plays a mean game of pond hockey.

ronnie

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7 Comments:

Blogger Nostalgic for the Pleistocene said...

Never had a "disco phase"? Seriously?

11:21 PM  
Blogger Sherwood Harrington said...

Just not yet.

11:38 PM  
Blogger ronnie said...

In our defense, all the disco music we did listen to was American!

Boogie Oogie Oogie,

ronnie

9:38 PM  
Blogger Xtreme English said...

The very idea that Canada could be considered threatening is hilarious. Think "Wayne's World."

5:23 AM  
Blogger Brian Fies said...

I've been well aware of the potential threat since Shatner.

12:01 PM  
Blogger ronnie said...

He's our secret weapon, it's true. He's registered with the DND (Department of National Defense). He has Peter McKay's cellphone number. It's almost scary. Did I say almost? Only because he's on my side.

8:50 PM  
Anonymous hearing aid reviews said...

I didn't know they never had a disco phase! Hmm.. they also have a lot of oil...

3:08 PM  

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