Imagine there's no Husband...

Life-partners are the single most important support a human being has when going through a crisis, big or small. Getting annoyed, getting fired, getting tested, getting diagnosed, getting sick; losing your temper, losing your wallet, losing a sense, losing your mind... from the daily stresses of living, through family and health crises, to unthinkable strains of extraordinary circumstances, a spouse is both the one most affected and the one whose strength and support will make the difference to the person at the centre of the crisis - sometimes between survival and not.

Consider, then, Dan Hunt. The life-partner of Jim Loney, the Canadian Christian Peacemaker who was kidnapped in Iraq, Dan had to simply... disappear, immediately, upon news of Jim's capture, lest their sexual orientation put Jim's life in even greater peril than the knife's edge it was already on. At the point of the worst fear and pain of his life, he had to become invisible to the public. The very last thing he could possibly do was to plead for his partner's life, to try to give Jim a human face to his captors, to try to humanize him to the Iraqi populace and to the terrorists who held him.

Surely the only comfort to him in those black days was the fact that Jim's family supported him, and his and Jim's relationship, unconditionally; Jim Loney's brother last week confirmed that Dan Hunt had been consulted on every decision and every detail, every step of the way. Surely one of the very few comforts Jim Loney had in those days was knowing that back in Sault Ste. Marie, his family and his friends were doing whatever they could to care for his spouse.

At the press conference Jim Loney held on his return, he was surrounded by the entirety of his loving family - his parents, his siblings, and his partner.

When Svend Robinson gave a tearful press conference to resign his seat in parliament, confessing that he had stolen an expensive ring at a trade show, his long-time partner Max Riveron stood beside him in the glare of the press lights and intrusive questions. Even Margaret Wente, the conservative and usually-churlish Globe and Mail columnist, wrote movingly of Max's attendance at the press conference, and how wrong it would have been had Svend had to go through the experience without the man he loves by his side due to their sexual orientation.

All of us, in ways big or small, know the impact of having that support of a genuinely "significant other" at a time of crisis. Imagine erasing Husband from this blog, from every post, every page, every photograph and every anecdote. Imagine making him invisible, the way Dan Hunt had to be invisible.

This is what we deny gay men and lesbians when we deny them the right to full marriage and full social acceptance - the right to offer each other sanctioned and recognized support, to fully 'be there' for each other in crisis large and small. This is why full equal marriage rights - not "marriage lite", not civil unions - matter.

ronnie