Wednesday, July 11, 2007

No, srsly. Yet again, I feel much safer now.

What Not To Say
Moncton Times & Transcript
Published Wednesday July 11th, 2007
Appeared on page C9

A new [Canadian Air Transport Safety Authority] security bulletin sets out what comments will get air travellers arrested at airport screening checkpoints, and what comments will trigger warnings only. A list of the examples given for each kind:

Illegal comments:
  • The person over there is carrying a bomb.

  • I have a bomb in my bag.

  • There's a bomb in the washroom.

  • The bag I checked in upstairs contains an IED (improvised explosive device).

  • I am going to set fire to this airplane with this blowtorch.

  • I've got plastic explosives that can blow up this airport.

  • I'm going to blow up this airplane over the Atlantic.

  • You better look through my suitcase carefully, because there's a bomb in there.

  • Screener: What's in that bottle? Passenger: Liquid explosives.

  • The man in seat 32F has a machine gun.
Comments prompting warnings only:
  • Do you think I have a bomb in my suitcase?

  • There's no bomb in my shoe.

  • What do you think I look like, a terrorist?

  • Hi Jack!

  • My gun misfired when I was hunting this weekend.

  • This security does nothing to stop hijacking.

  • Your hockey team is going to get bombed tonight!

  • You don't need to frisk me, I'm not carrying a weapon.



Blogger Nostalgic for the Pleistocene said...

Now why does this remind me of The Pirahna Brothers?

9:34 p.m.  
Blogger Sherwood Harrington said...

It really doesn't bother me that someone probably got paid to come up with this list. It doesn't bother me for at least these two reasons:

1) The public servant got paid in Canadian Dollars, most likely, and

2) If said servant weren't engaged writing this, he or she could be out on the street doing real damage to society. Sort of like many of my colleagues.

(Actually, I have it on good authority that the man in 32F has a blowtorch, not a machine gun, and intends to blow up the plane over the Pacific, not the Atlantic, so it's ok.)

10:25 p.m.  

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